In 2012 and 2013, I was struggling so badly with anxiety and depression due to rejection and dissatisfaction in my personal and professional life that I was having regular panic attacks, and things got so bad that I started contemplating suicide on a daily basis.

I remember the moment that I hit my emotional rock bottom. It was a cold February Saturday night in 2013, and I was supposed to go to a friend’s birthday party that night. And I remember really looking forward to going to this birthday party because it was with a group of friends who I hadn’t seen in a while. And I had told myself that I would leave around 7:00 pm so I could get to the party around 7:30. But at 6:51, and for whatever reason, I still remember the time, but at 6:51, I started having an anxiety attack. I remember my hands crinkling up, my stomach feeling like it was being compressed by a boa constrictor, my shoulders hiking up, and my breathing becoming short and shallow, and it felt like what I imagine drowning feels like.

I don’t know how long that feeling lasted, but by the time it was over, I was so mentally and physically wiped out that I texted my friend and said, “Hey, I’m not feeling well. I’m gonna have to skip the party. Sorry about that.”

And then I woke up the next day and thought to myself, “What the hell is wrong with me? It’s a weekend…normally I don’t feel this way unless I’m at work.” And that’s when I knew I needed to go to therapy before I sought out a more permanent solution to make my depression go away.

My therapist introduced me to mindfulness, and through my daily mindfulness practice, I have learned new ways to manage my emotions so that I am able to respond as opposed to react. Instead of my emotions being knocked around like a speed bag you’d find in a boxing gym, they’re able to withstand the blows life throws at me more like a heavy bag. Sure, I may sway from side to side from time to time, but it’s much easier for me to steady myself these days.